Tag Archives: tired

Sunday Night feelings.

So, it is Sunday. Sunday night, to be exact. I would love to give you a blog full of wisdom and good cheer, that extols the virtues and raises you up to inspiring heights. Or rather, create a funny, cheeky blog, full of wacky adventures that make you grateful for your own ordinary life, your own ways and mannerisms.

Instead, though, I’m just tired. I’m really tired, the kind of tired that is uninspired, unwise, and a bit whiny. I want to stop, stop writing, stop working, stop trying. I want to have my hard work acknowledged by all around me and my goals to come down and meet me half way. I want to be recognised as a good person without any flaws and to have those who seem blind to this fact beg me, just beg me for forgiveness. I want to be the only car on the road, the only voice in my ear, the only paradigm of success for others. I want to be rich, thin, pretty, smart and content.

All this. I’m ungrateful for my lot in life, my son, my husband, my work, my writing, my home, my happiness. There are people out there who would love my problems.

Doesn’t mean they don’t still feel like problems, though. Is it the time of year, do you think? The darkness just goes on and on, and we all get restless and discontent and hunt for things to make us sad? Don’t know. Don’t really care, either. Just wish I could get five more hours sleep per night and more time at work and everything and everything… Anyways. The writing is continuing. The work is all. We’ll get there. And we’ll use the whines as inspiration.

A Tired Seamstress

A Tired Seamstress Angelo Trezzini

Some random Tuesday…

Hey! Yeah, it’s early, but only in sane people’s timelines. Me, I’ve been awake since four am. No, not coming home at that hour, hair messed up and holding a pair of high heel shoes that I should have known better than to think would be a good idea cos lets face it, heels and me don’t mix, no matter what the magazines might say, Anna Wintour can get stuffed if she thinks I’m falling for that one again, no, but the black dress was a winner and everyone said so, even the taxi driver on the way home so go me, I rock and in a good way, No! No, I was woken at 4am, woken by my beloved child who thinks that our house is not our house, but is Fossett’s circus to play and laugh and thump and thump some more and oh my God I am so tired.

Still easier than a two year old.

Coffee only does so much, and I have stomach aches that let me think the acidity in that cup of joe is not doing me any favours. And it seems so dark when you’re tired, I’m growing more convinced that my eyes just strike at the idea of work, so my surroundings seem Gothic and dim these days. It’s just part of the price of living on this island at this far north on the planet, when sunlight becomes optional and all you can do is hunker down to the old myths and methods of dealing with the dark.

Doesn’t matter who you are, it helps, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I’ll keep on keeping on. Talk to you soon!


100 days without sugar; 85 to go

New readers start here; Our heroine had successfully lost over 60 lbs, but has slowly gained back a stone. Shocked at the shocking state of her, she resolves to do without sugar for 100 days.

And that you all should hear about it, you lucky people.

Now read on…

Dinner was late last night, but it meant I didn’t get to bed until late. I didn’t fall asleep till midnight last night.

Beloved Son had me away at 4.30 am.

I am tired!

Interestingly, my tiredness saw all the negativity come flooding back, with a firm conviction that there was no point in going swimming as I wouldn’t do well and there was only a large chance of making a fool of myself.

Well, so what? I told myself that it didn’t matter if I made a fool of myself or not. I don’t have to be the best, it’s bloody unlikely that I was going to be in any case. Thinking that I had to hit the water with everything I’ve got was just putting me off. Going for a swim in of itself was really more than enough.

A calm pastoral view is a nice view as well.

And I went for my swim, and I completed the 1500 meters, with an easy 50 pace. I’m bleary eyed with the tiredness, but I am still going and there will be more to do before I get to rest. I have, however, coped with my negative attitude today, and that is something. I didn’t talk myself out of it, so well done me.

No, it’s not much, but I’m taking it.  Tonight, however, I think we’re getting takeaway and an will have an early night, I’m dizzy with the tiredness.

Awwwwww! 🙂

100 days without sugar – 95 days to go

New readers start here; Our heroine had successfully lost over 60 lbs, but has slowly gained back a stone. Shocked at the shocking state of her, she resolves to do without sugar for 100 days. And that you all should hear about it, you lucky people. Now read on…

There is a real need that sugar serves. It can become such a comfort before you even know it. I find myself mentally leaning on it without my even realising it. Yesterday we took the little man to the beach and then on to his grandparents, a long day that ended long after ten pm.  Today he woke me at 6am and my brain refused to go back to sleep. He dropped off for a nap at about 10.30 am, but I am strung out and stretched thin with tiredness. I find myself constantly telling myself that never mind, I now deserve buns/chocolate/comfort food. It seems for me, sugar is a substitute for developing some bloody character.  It means that without my crutch, I can feel my self esteem drop; my usual method of showing myself approval is gone from me, so what good am I?

Exhausted, flabby, no make, *perfect* time for a photo...

Exhausted, flabby, no make, *perfect* time for a photo…

The biggest hurdle in all of this is, as always, learning to live this way…